What more could you ask for, you ungrateful lout?
“OOOOOOwooo wo heeeheee. Yeup I tolle em. But they dint believe me. DOOMED!!!!!!!!!”
So I have a confession to make. Let me just be honest here. Until today I had never seen the second installment in the Friday the 13th series…AKA Jason’s moment to shine. But when I did see it…boy oh boy…what did I SEE. I watched this movie in two parts. So I had time to sleep on it. And well…when you sleep on this movie it’s slightly more bearable (this movie has 0 plot). Oh, and when I say sleep on it, I don’t mean to like, get a better understanding of it. There’s nothing to understand. Everything is so blatant that you want to cover your face in embarrassment. Muffin the dog unwittingly bumps into Jason and then the very next shot is hot dogs on a grill. Dead meat. Get it? One dead dog. You’re toast, wiener. This movie reads out like a fucking R.L. stine book.
You see that image above? That’s the scene where the random, nameless, lonely, ominous old man tells the overly tanned 80’s flower children that they gonna die. And then, he fuckin’ gets on a bike and just cruises away. And they don’t say a single thing to each other. Don’t react at all. Friday the 13th supposedly revolutionized the whole unwitting teen slaughter genre…and I guess this is how. These kids are just killed left and right. If this movie were smarter, like say, getting more meta like Cabin in the Woods it would have been pretty cool. Like that old man represents fate and they ignore him, but they really are “doooooomed. DOOOOOMED!” from the get go. But nah. This film isn’t smart enough for that. I am not shitting you, at one point Jason FALLS THROUGH A CHAIR.
If you need your proof that this movie is dumb, the title (extremely sincerely) EXPLODES onto the screen. This movie is so literal…it’s so blunt and dramatic that at times it’s practically slapstsick. It’s like Street Sharks in its attempts to be cool. The characters might as well be shouting “radical” and surfing over Jason’s dome in the lake with a laugh track. BONK “Oh Jason, silly goober! Always getting his massive cranium in the way. ” The sexy shirtless guy waggles his head and laughs.
Normally I would do some commentary on the clothing but I am too exhausted. This movie wore me out.
Enter stage right…this ass. This guy pisses me off so much. Why is he angry about everything? At all moments he acts like there is a swarm of bugs ravaging his bleached asshole.
Other characters of interest include Person in a Wheelchair. Every line that Person in a Wheelchair has is about not wanting to burden anyone for being In A Wheelchair.
The child psychologist character, our “final girl” kills me. No fucking wonder she’s going to go up against Jason after you shoe-horn crammed that information into the scene so awkwardly and forcefully. The Literal Ass says “Oh, you, you child psychologist.” He might as well do that thing where you cough-shout in class in highschool “HHRUUKCKHloser. GHHKUHslut.” “He must be out there now crying for a return…a resurrection.” Don’t take this girl to a bar, she is a huge downer.
Jason reminds me a lot of this guy. He just keeps goin’ and goin’ like that little Energizer bunny. Those of you who recognize this guy…you recognize him on a deep level. *Shudder*
Check out the Minnetonkas. They still make this design.
I really did not mind the opening to this film. The summary montage is fun. And I love Alice. She is super goth now and I live for it. She even draws…Ally Sheedy make way. This girl has been through hell. You can tell because once she gets spooked every step is poised, and she is bracing herself. She has run through it all in her head many times.
The camera techniques are much better in the intro than in the rest of the film. At one point Alice takes off her clothes to take a shower. We all know that this is bad news. We are watching all of this happen from an objective camera shot, very basic, but then the camera’s nuanced movements suddenly become suspenseful. And we can instantly tell that it has switched from omniscient to the first person eyes of Jason. That was pretty damn cool.
I thought this was black nail polish at first glance…the Gerard Way vibes.
The bad sound effects when he stabs through the roof of the car sounds like a cartoon goat munching on something.
You trippy mane?
I wear a bag on my head but I’m not a bag head.
If it weren’t for the redeeming “final girl” showdown and the end I would have fully written this movie off. But it satisfies for the genre. What’s cool is she pees out of fear. What’s not cool is because she sees a rat. You’re going to pee now, after you see a rat just walk by, uninterested in you? ‘Cause you do realize you were being stabbed at 5 seconds ago?? And when the pee seeps out from under the bed Jason somehow senses it, and looks over his shoulder. Jason knows. WHEN YOU GOTTA GO U GOTTA GO. Final thought about this film? Slow-mo seriously needs to be banned…
How I view any male that says PLS RESPOND
Baby, I’m your national anthem